


Eri's Bizarre Adventure: Oneshot Compilation Edition

by PKBackthrow, Slinggoshotto



Series: Eri's Bizarre Adventure: Rising of the AU Hero [2]
Category: Dark Souls (Video Games), Doom (Video Games), Mother 3, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: F/M, Implied Relationships, characters and relationships to be added later, half crack half serious, no chance, pedophiles can go to the Shadow Realm, sometimes shitposts sometimes not, the, various pop culture references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-12-30 14:50:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18317474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PKBackthrow/pseuds/PKBackthrow, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slinggoshotto/pseuds/Slinggoshotto
Summary: Various one-shots and memes related to Eri's Bizarre Adventure go here.





	1. No Chance Todoroki vs. Much Probability Shoto

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bakufan15](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bakufan15/gifts).



> \--WARM SODA--
> 
> Hey y'all, go check out Bakufan15's fic, One With the Mists! It's a really cool crossover of BnHA and the Mistborn series, which is where No Chance™ Todoroki was born. This meme also went on to inspire the NO CHANCE Izuocha fic, written by ArmaadaJ, which is also an amazing read as well!
> 
> Here are the links:  
> OWtM: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17515496/chapters/41261648  
> NO CHANCE: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18051125

Today was like any other. Eri was bodying Bakugou in a game of Smash, Artorias and Solaire were debating on what the best flavor of Sunny D was, and Kamina had come in to visit and was chatting with Kirishima on the concept of manliness. You know, normal stuff.

 

That was, until Eri got a distress signal from Dimension-115A13B935.

 

Eri paused the game and opened her phone to hear a very distressed Todoroki asking for help.

 

“Hey, Eri! We’ve got a situation here in the Mistsverse!” Eri could hear a fight going on in the background, explosions sounding off and a loud “FUCK!” soon after.

 

“The rest of the Mistdoriya Squad (“We’re not calling it that!”) and I were going to the mall before a blue portal opened and spat out reversed copies of ourselves, and they started using their quirks on everyone and everything! There’s no chance’ we’ll be able to stop them without you, we’re too evenly matched.”

 

Bakugou scoffed before getting up and grabbing something to eat. Artorias turned to look at Eri before calling Lucas to tell him to come over to Dimension 1.11 to meet up with them. 

 

“Guess you gotta go help out No Chance Half ‘N Half, huh? Wonder if he finally got the balls to ask out Mists Yaoyorozu.”

 

Solaire snickered as Todoroki yelled at Bakugou to quit calling other hims,“ Half ‘N Half,” and took a sip of estus,” Who’s gonna be the third coming with you?”

 

Lucas blinked into existence, munching on an omelette sandwich. Eri turned to Kamina and called him over,” Hey, Mr. Kamina!”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Wanna come beat up some non-canon teens?”

 

“Yeah!”

  
  
  


Uraraka was not having a good day  _ at all _ . She dodged an explosion from a rocket launcher made by the Other Deku. She turned to Tetsutetsu and nodded before launching him upwards with her quirk and returning his weight at the apex of the throw. Midoriya saw his opportunity and flared iron and steel to throw himself at his doppleganger, a pewter-enhanced fist pulled back.

Shinsou and Yaomomo were fighting their counterparts with just as much luck as them: none. They were all too evenly matched, despite the Others having their quirks scrambled around. Who knew an Uraraka with mist powers could be so  _ annoying _ ?

 

A steel-hardened Other Shinsou tackled Uraraka and was about to snap her neck, when another blue portal opened and two shouts rang out.

 

“ _ GET THE HELL OF MY FRIEND’S FRIEND’S FRIEND KICK!” _

 

“ _ PK FREEZE! _ ”

 

SteelShinsou was kicked into another portal that opened up as a frozen Other Yaomomo was launched into the Shadow Realm. An announcer’s voice rang out,”  **_PLAYER 9. DEFEATED. PLAYER 10. DEFEATED._ ** ”

 

As the dust cleared, Uraraka opened her eyes to see a large, headless mech with Super Fly glasses on its chest and a much smaller version of UA’s number one student. Another portal opened and Aizawa’s capture weapon shot out, grabbing and pulling Other Deku, Other Tetsutetsu, and Other Uraraka into it before someone who sounded strangely similar to the young girl rescued from the Yakuza last week shouted,” ZA WARUDO! DELETE TIME!”  The portal closed before an older Eri blinked into existence in front of her, hand stretched outwards to help Uraraka up to her feet. Eri turned her head behind her to where Todoroki was earlier.

 

“Sorry about that one, Todoroki, we were a bit late. Kamina needed to grab Gurren real quick.”

 

She didn’t get a response.

 

“Uh, Eri?” Kamina’s voice echoed out from inside the mech.

 

“What?”

 

“We forgot to take care of the Other Todoroki.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

Up in the sky, Todoroki was using his ice to combat the gravity manipulating Other Todoroki.

 

“There’s a high probability that I’ll replace you in this timeline, Shoto!”

 

“There’s no chance that’ll happen!”

 

Lucas turned to Eri and asked if they should help. Eri shook her head and said,” No, this is part of  _ this _ timeline’s canon for some reason, Todoroki needs to fight himself.”

 

Todoroki was losing the fight bad, the other him didn’t simply have Uraraka’s Zero Gravity, but seemed to have total control over the attractive force itself. Todoroki was pulled into one of the floating pieces of debris and began to fall to the ground.

 

“I’m not powerful or confident enough… Maybe it’s for the best this Shoto replaces me…”

 

Todoroki was plummeting to the ground quicker as the other him increased gravity’s pull on him.

 

Kamina and Momo stepped forward at the same time.

 

“JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, TODOROKI! YOU DON’T NEED TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, BELIEVE IN YOUR FRIENDS WHO BELIEVE IN YOU!”

“SHOTO PLEASE!”

 

Todoroki’s eyes snapped open as flames and ice erupted from him. He was like a comet streaking towards the earth. Eri shot out her capture weapon from her sleeves and swung Todoroki back towards the other him as Lucas opened a portal to send the doppleganger back to whatever cursed timeline he came from.

 

“I WOULD’VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU MEDDLING KIDS. AND YOUR DUMB MECH TOO!”

 

Uraraka used a trampoline made by Momo to slap Todoroki out of the air to keep him from splatting on the ground like a strawberry milkshake.

 

Lucas and Eri went around the mall using their powers to repair the damage done by the fight as Kamina started chatting up with Shinsou and Tetsutetsu. The sleep-deprived teen had never looked more awake in Uraraka’s eyes.

 

“Could I get your autograph, Kamina?” both fanboys asked, starry-eyed.

 

“Huh? Oh yeah, sure thing.”

 

Yaomomo and Todoroki had disappeared and were probably walking around the mall to grab some soba. Uraraka turned to Midoriya, who shrugged and suggested they go find something to eat and meet up with the others when they’re done with whatever they’re doing.


	2. FBI! OPEN UP!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> M E M E S

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> W A R M S O D A
> 
> Child Porn Destruction Edition.
> 
> Starring:
> 
> AU Goddess: Eri
> 
> Friend to all cute things: DOOMSLAYER
> 
> Nine foot tall corrupted knight with a soft spot for children: Artorias
> 
> A child: Lucas
> 
> Candyless heiress: Yaomomo
> 
> Evil POS deserving death: Pedos
> 
> Guitar Jesus: Guitar Jesus
> 
> Your scribe for today: Slingshot

 

* * *

 

Eri padded from Izuku’s bedroom downstairs, with a craving for candy at 12 AM. She knew where Yaomomo kept hers - in one of the mason jars on the upper shelves just to flex on her for being a six year old.  
  
But the joke was on Yaomomo, she flicked her finger and shifted her body forwards in time into her 14-year-old self. She’d eat ALL the candy. Leave no candy behind. Tonight she was a Marine, and so were those candies. Except she’d eat them all.  
  
Speaking of Marines, an enormous shadow seemed to be perched up on the kitchen counter. The faint light was reflecting off of his armour visor and the scarred pentagrams on his exposed biceps were glowing orange. Why his suit of armour had exposed biceps Eri didn’t know, but considering how big they were it was possibly an intimidation tactic. His enormous double barreled shotgun with the grappling hook was propped next to him. It was the DOOMSLAYER.  
  
He had a pink phone in his hand, with a hello kitty back cover. It was probably Ochako’s. The one All Might got her to be exact. (Eri would later find out that it _was_ DOOMSLAYER’s phone).  Eri rushed over. Ochako was really thankful and protective of her phone and considering how easily the DOOMSLAYER could flatten demons weighing a few tons, he could probably crush the phone flat in a few seconds.  
  
He could sense her approach somehow, even though she was behind him, and grunted in Morse code to her, to find him the bunny video she was showing him earlier Just like grandpa Might, DOOMSLAYER wasn’t the best with technology unless it concerned demon murder.  
  
It weirded her out a little how a man who lived as violently as the DOOMSLAYER enjoyed extremely cute things, but she supposed all the 8 foot tall and tough silent types were big softies in the end.  
  
She took the phone from the big lug to put his bunny videos on, and he loomed over her and it probably would be scary if she didn’t know who he was or if she was a demon, but he was practically harmless.  
  
And then her own phone began ringing.  
  
She took one look at the caller ID. It was child Izuku. Child Izuku was from Dimension 316-666. The Child Pornography universe. She started shaking a little. She had wished this day wouldn’t come. Ever.  
  
She mentally blanked out the details of the call. DOOMSLAYER had long since abandoned the bunnies and was deadly silent. His eyes from behind the helmet burned orange against the dark kitchen.

Artorias was digging in the kitchen, looking for some Sunny D, when he noticed the marine’s sudden silence.

  
She looked at him, “Will you come help me wipe out Dimension 316?”  
  
“Why?”, he grunted in Morse Code.  
  
“Child Porn.”  
  
She could feel the atmosphere shift. It was suddenly colder and she felt her hair stand on their ends. Goosebumps and trepidation. Mostly, she felt an enormous killing intent.

 

Artorias’ eyes glinted red, as a menacing dark aura leaked out from under the plates of his armor. Thoughts of delicious orange juice forgotten as the beginnings of a bloody crusade began to take shape before him.

Artorias straightened his back and turned to DOOMSLAYER,” Music, my friend?”

 

DOOMSLAYER turned his burning eyes to the ceiling, and adjusted some invisible knob. A muted, distorted, industrial metal track began playing the background.  
  
“Hail Mick Gordon,” he grunted in morse.

  
“Hail Mick Gordon,” Artorias rasped out.

  
“Hail Mick Gordon,” she repeated after them. When in Rome, and all that.  
  
The metal got louder for a second, like the invisible guitars played them one riff to acknowledge them.  
  
“RIP AND TEAR.”

* * *

  
The plan was simple. They’d have Lucas open a wormhole to breach them into Dimension 316, go on a bloody rampage through the universe, save the children who will then be time-zapped by Eri to better homes, and then get explosives and blow up the central hub. Which was probably whatever sick mind conjured it up. The hub itself would be protected by MAPs.  
  
They weren’t like normal maps, which was an important distinction, They were dark and powerful spirits that fed off of the weak and powerless. They were high on the tier of spirits to avoid.  
  
The moment the DOOMSLAYER and Artorias crossed the wormhole, the mood of the dimension changed. It was a horrific place, but it felt as if the whole universe was recoiling in horror from them. Eri crossed over, and the trio struck a spectacular pose as their menacing auras permeated the new atmosphere - their killing intent made clear. DOOMSLAYER silently pointed to his back, an indication for Eri to get on. She couldn’t resist.

  
  
And oh boy, did they RIP and TEAR.  
  
DOOMSLAYER moved incredibly fast. It was like the one time Izuku had taken her on a trip with full cowling but way faster. He broke the sound barrier easily. He hopped from MAP to MAP and shoved his shotgun in each dark spirit’s face.  
  
B O O M

Artorias stretched to his full height of 9 feet and somersaulted across the sky, his weapon glinting in the night as he slew each spirit, each darker than the deepest pits of the Abyss.

Eri pointed finger guns at any MAPs both men of mass destruction missed and rewound them to before they existed, her horn growing and sharpening with every bolt of light fired at her command.

  
And the music just kept getting louder. It was like Mick Gordon, the invisible guitar man in the skies, approved whenever he found more brutal and inventive ways to murder. Once some dark spirit caught him in the middle of a reload, so he just spun his gun around and clobbered its face in with the handle.

  
She had guessed the central hub would be in the park or in the school, because that’s where evil people who prey on children like to gather, but DOOMSLAYER raised his great big head and sniffed the air.  
  
He sped off towards the school.  
  
When he got there they could see the big Central hub. It was some big evil lady. The DOOMSLAYER seemed almost gleeful at the prospect of killing it.  
  
It opened its great big maw and spit words at them.  
  
“pEdOs hAvE rIgHtS tOo”  
  
The DOOMSLAYER got even angrier at the terrible words, and a huge horde of MAPs rushed them.

Artorias radiated a silent anger. An old corruption from his time in the Abyss-tainted Oolacile coming out before shadowy tendrils struck out, piercing every MAP within a 10 meter radius, before he let out a guttural shriek.

 

“Y̴̟͍͛̂̉͝ơ̵̠̌͒̌u̴̫͝n̵̩̱̈́͘ǵ̵͖͖͗̅̑ ̴̥̻̐͌Ë̴̜̮̱́̈́̓͜r̶̟̍͐̄̄ï̸̲͍̱,̶̖͈̒̚ ̷̛̲͚̍͗c̷̨̼̟̤͛͆ȍ̶̹̄͠ų̷̳͙l̸̜͐̊ḏ̶̼̄̃̕ ̵̢̰͆̈̆y̶͙̔̒͘ọ̶̾͛͌͒͜u̶̠̻̘͋̑ ̸̳͗s̶̜̒p̷̨̜̓̊ẽ̶̢̐̉ĕ̸̻̳̙̝d̴̪̠̊͌̍̌ ̷̨̧̫̋̈́u̴̦̟̺͆͆p̴̧̔̄͜ ̷̲̪̈́͆́m̶͙͉͕̉̋̈́͆y̶͇̭̹̒͒͆̈́ ̵͍̫͕͕́ṫ̶̜͎͎͂̉͝i̷̦̊͊͐m̷͑̔͒̃͜e̴̹̬͒?̶̦̎ ̸͕̯̱̻̑Į̸̜̼͔̋͂͛͆'̶̥̪́͛͛l̴͕̜̐̚ļ̵̩̘̠̍̎̔͒ ̵̠̈t̶̼͆ặ̸̩͗͝k̸̖̍̽̆e̷̢̜̦̖͆ ̵̢̞͕̌͛̉͝c̴̤̫̋̒͂̇a̴͔̜̹̳͊r̸̉̓̿͒ͅḙ̵̼͎̺̚ ̴̡̣̘͉̏ô̷͕̝̝̿̑f̸̳͎̬̲̄̔ ̴̲̇͋̿̓t̵̩̯̜̔͌͜h̸̫̚ẻ̷̯̗̇͘͝ ̴̗̱̞̪̈͐̈́̊c̴͇̀̍ą̷͇̘͍͗n̶̦̪̈̔̒n̷̪̓̾͗o̴̢̘̣͎͊̓n̷̫̹̦̟̐͝ ̷̝̖̲̋̚͘͠f̷͆̽͝ͅo̴̮̥̩͌͑̄d̶̗̮̅d̶̛̛̠̈̚e̷͖r̴͓̈̎̆͠ ̶̭͆͜a̶̭͈̫̲̓̓̒n̶͎͗͗͘͘d̶̛̜̈́̀̎ ̸̞̓͋ͅŝ̴̛̻̞͙̚a̷̖̜̼̖͛̐͐͊v̶̮̀͜ẹ̴̔̀͐ ̷͎̤̥̒̈́t̴̟͓̣͕̍̾̎h̷͇͔͐e̵̙̗̬̍ ̵͔̤̬͐̕ṟ̷͘e̷̙̓̋ṁ̸͓̥̏á̴͙̈̿ì̸̧̡̞n̴̩̳̖͝ì̸̼̩̈͛n̴͍̲̉g̵̗̮̅ ̶̫̋͒c̴̜͕͇̠̾͐ḥ̴̜̉͒ͅi̵͔̒͌̆̏ḻ̷̡̾̒͑̋d̸͚̪͔̍̃̊r̵̢͈̾́͆ë̴̟́n̵͔̻͐̐.̸͎̬͓̠͋” Artorias used every ounce of his near-indomitable will to maintain control, and needed to channel the Abyss before it consumed him again.

 

Eri snapped her fingers as a sea-green glow enveloped Artorias, who sped off slaying the remaining MAPs while carrying more and more children in his arms before having them file into numerous portals set up by Lucas to newer, and better homes, before the psychic grabbed the knight by the ponytail, grumbling about how Solaire would not like one of his best friends succumbing to the dark, _again_ .  
  
Eri perched up from DOOMSLAYER’s back, and he leaped in the air and drop kicked the central hub in the face. He then reached into the multidimensional pocket and brought out the BFG9000, and immediately threw his Supershotgun over to his left hand.  
  
Some MAP approached from behind, and its smelly breath and great big shadow loomed over Eri. She screamed, startled. Without missing a beat, the DOOMSLAYER spun around and stabbed it in the neck with his wrist mounted blade and burnt it to a crisp with his flamethrower.He caught his Supershotgun with his foot and flicked it up to his hand.  
  
Eri held on for dear life as he engaged the meathook and spun through the air to dropkick an incoming horde, ripping and tearing as he moved up towards the hub.  
  
Artorias screamed in rage as he swung his greatsword around, upon hearing Eri’s scream he tore away from Lucas and lunged back towards the duo. He fought with an indistinguishable stance and moved like a beast, barely holding on to the Abyss that was within him.

Lucas’ eyes widened before he took a breath, golden sparks dancing on his hands, before calling down a storm of stars to help the trio massacre the MAPs.

  
The DOOMSLAYER clobbered, kicked, slashed and blew through horde after horde, his eyes fixed on the prize.  
  
The Central hub Pedophile screamed as she dangled six year old Izuku by the neck.

  
Eri was enraged. And DOOMSLAYER was even more so. Guitar Jesus in the sky built the song up to a crescendo, and Eri peeked over his shoulder.  
  
“FBI! Freeze!”  
  
The hub was startled and swung around to see DOOMSLAYER’s angry orange eyes glare at her from within his helmet, she dropped the Izuku in shock. He shoved the supershotgun in its gut and emptied both barrels at once.  
  
Before the hub could topple over, he shoved the BFG 9000 in its face and obliterated it in a flash of a supermassive green glow. The guitar riff was now deafeningly loud, but even over that Eri could hear just how loudly the DOOMSLAYER’s massive heart pumped.  
Artorias spun around as the dimension began collapsing in on itself. They were prepared for this eventuality, so he leaped and ran over to where Eri stood, ripping open a new portal back to their universe.  
  
Around them, the world began collapsing in orange and red and flashes of laughter and screams. They ignored it all and ran for the exit. DOOMSLAYER shoved Eri in and stood at the entrance to catch Artorias as the ground crumbled around the gigantic Abysswalker. Eri held on as long as she could, and with the enhanced speed, Artorias caught the DOOMSLAYER’s hand and the Hellwalker dragged the Abysswalker in with ease.  
  
The other end opened in the kitchen in their universe, and they flopped onto the ground in an undignified pile. DOOMSLAYER picked Eri up from the ground like she was a tiny cat and put her on his shoulder, Artorias sprang up from the ground like he was a gymnast and not a nine foot tall person of mass destruction.  
  
“Good hunt today!”, he declared cheerfully.  
  
DOOMSLAYER grunted an affirmative in Morse. He went back to watching rabbits with Eri and Artorias went back to his orange juice.  Just another day in her crazy new job. She should really eat all the candy now just to flex on Yaomomo. Maybe drink all of smelly Bakugou’s energy drink as well.

Lucas sighed as he walked back to the couch to play some New Super Mario Bros. Wii™ with Ness.

“This really is a bizarre new adventure, huh Ness?”

  
.

**Author's Note:**

> W A R M S O D A


End file.
